❤

I sit there and I wait. Waiting to see what this day has to offer. On the brink of depression I am somehow still hopeful. After all, that's all I have left to get me through. As the sun rises will it bring with it the wings of positivity soaring overhead with love and grace or will it bring the glares of negativity attached to cold shoulders and icy hearts. I'm fighting off the demons that so faithfully haunt me, waiting for my breaking point. As the silent tears so salty in their nature roll down my cheek, I know they don't forget me. No matter how much I hold them back, they are anxiously waiting for their chance because they know it will come. So I welcome them with open arms, holding onto something that seems familiar. For now they are the only things that bring me peace. The only things that keep coming back to me. No matter the disappointment of the day I have my tears. So they wait. They are my constant. They encourage me to stay strong and humble. Reminding me that I've done this before. My tears, the very things exhibiting weakness are building my strength. I don't take them for granted. They show me survival is possible. So I wait.

The Body Acceptance Movement

I've seen quite a few people express their negative feelings towards the body acceptance movement and overweight people. And honestly this makes me sad.

Body acceptance doesn't just apply to weight. It applies to accepting every part of you. From your toes to your nose, eyes, and ears. Body acceptance is a way to improve our world's overall health, encouraging people to be happy with who they are and what they have. Why would someone be so against that? As if self loathing is so much better. Since I've seen the body acceptance movement come into action I've seen some beautiful things put into motion: more happy people, more people concerned with their health, and some of the most beautiful confident people I have ever seen in my life. Yet people still hate on it. Their reason? "It accepts and fuels obesity." No, it accepts people being the way they are. It tells people that hey, its okay to not be perfect, its okay to love yourself while you work on yourself, and it's okay to be happy with who you are.

To me, the things that encourage obesity are hate, an unhealthy mental state, and the fact that unhealthy food is cheap while healthy food is outrageously expensive. But a positive body image is not one of those things. I find that most people working on a positive body image are not only working on themselves on the inside but also on the outside, as well as spreading this positivity to others. I think that's the hardest and most beautiful thing to do in this life. So if you are really against a happier and more positive world, I really don't know what to tell you.

I just want to say one last thing. Before you judge someone who you think is disgusting, ugly, or overweight, why not have a conversation with them? Sometimes things aren't always as they seem and by looking at someone and calling them ugly or obese you are just fueling more hate and negativity. So why do it? What's the point?

Letter to my body

This is a letter to my body to tell you how sorry I am for how I have treated you through the years.

You have done nothing but work hard for me and yet I have been so ashamed of you for years and years. You have gotten me through two a days or even three a days where I would push you to the limit. You have gotten me through 14 years of competitive softball. You got me through my crazy college years of partying and late night cramming. You've handled my binge eating and my negative comments. You've endured my multiple attempts at losing weight and then giving up shortly after. You've done a lot for me and yet I still seem to get upset and bash you from time to time.

This letter is to prove to myself that my body is a wonderful, imperfect but very beautiful part of me. And instead doing everything I can to bring myself and my body down, I should be doing all I can to lift myself up. Because after all, even through just 25 years of living, I've pushed my body hard and never once has it failed me. Even though multiple times I have given up on it. So I love you. I'm sorry. And from this day forward I will do my best to speak positivity to you. I am very blessed and should be thankful for what I do have.

This might be weird but it needed to be said. A lot of us are bashing our own bodies without even realizing it. Stop comparing yourself. You are you and the body that you have is unique. Embrace your lovely body, it does a lot for you!!!

Casita❤

Raw.

One of the hardest and most painful things I have ever experienced was loving someone who was in love with someone else. Now don't judge me on this but I am going to be very open, vulnerable, and raw. I think it's time I finally get this out.

I was so in love with this man that I would do anything for him, I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Our relationship changed everything I have ever felt about love. And it truly made me believe soulmates were very real. But his love for this other woman overwhelmed him and although he was with me and they were no longer together he couldn't let her go. But being in love with someone who can't let someone else go is a never ending battle not only with them, but with yourself. I started thinking what was so wrong with me, why can't I make him get over her, why can't I compete with her, why am I not good enough. And looking at it now of course it has nothing to do with me, it's something I had no control over but in the midst of it all, I couldn't think that clearly.

I was constantly beating myself up trying to win his heart and getting so frustrated every time it didn't work. I felt like I couldn't even get his attention even when he was in the same room as me. I was overextending myself so much I became empty. I had nothing left to love myself nor anyone else. I became unrecognizable to myself and it was sad to see how low I had become.

Now don't get me wrong this is only one aspect of the relationship and there were some very positive things I took from it. And I don't blame anyone. Sometimes love doesn't let you forget about people. Sometimes hanging on is a part of fate and I truly believe that some people, no matter how many times they leave, are meant to be together. Hearts hang on for a reason. I just wish I hadn't spent so long before figuring this out. I just wish I hadn't pushed myself so hard that I had nothing left. But then again I'm happy because it forced me to start loving myself. It seems to me that other people's lack of love for you forces you to look inward and find love for yourself. So in the storm there is always a blessing.

I just wonder sometimes if it was even his love for her that kept him from being able to love me fully or just his love of the idea of her that put a halt on something that could be so beautiful.

Casita❤

Do you love you?

I used to be the girl that made my boyfriend block other girls on social networks or delete numbers just to feel more secure about myself and the relationship. I used to be the girl that would go through his phone just to surveillance everyone he would talk to. Yes, I was THAT girl. The one that had been wronged before and decided to take things into her own hands and stop it from happening again.

And guess what?!? It didn't work, I was cheated on even with all the precautions and all the work I put into protecting my heart. So I'm here to tell you it doesn't work ladies it doesn't stop anything, all the things you do won't stop someone from being unfaithful.

Do you know why? Because it has nothing to do with you! You are not the problem. You can be the best you can be, you can give someone the world and they'll still look for someone that can give them the universe. The only thing you can do is hope for the best, hope that the person you fall for can find it within themselves to not always be on the lookout for something better, to learn to be content, but the best thing you can do is to love yourself more than anyone else can. To learn that you deserve amazing and wonderful things. So if this does happen and your significant other does go astray, you'll have yourself to fall back on. Don't lose yourself running after someone else and don't look for your worth inside someone else's eyes.

Know yourself, love yourself, and most importantly take care of yourself. You can be your biggest uprise and supporter or your own worst critic and your downfall. It all is up to you.

❤Casita

I'm not "jealous"

I really hate when someone calls somebody else jealous in a relationship because our whole definition of jealousy is distorted.

If you are flirting and talking to other people other than your partner and your partner gets upset, that is NOT jealousy, that is your partner feeling disrespected because you are deciding to put your time and effort into someone else other than your partner. If you feel the need to do that then why are you in a relationship?

Even the most confident and secure people don't want their partner to step out in the relationship, if you have no problem staying faithful, then you expect it from your partner as well. If you made a pact at the beginning of the relationship that the relationship was going to be between just the two of you, then that is something both partners need to acknowledge until the relationship ends.

So when one partner starts drifting and sharing the relationship with other people, of course the other partner is going to be hurt. But like I said this has nothing to do with jealousy and only the guilty party will try to make this seem like jealousy. Jealousy is wanting something somebody else has, but in a relationship no other person should have what your partner gives to you except you. And if that is not the case than I think something is wrong.

Then again this is just my opinion and of course this does not pertain to swingers which I have nothing against. These are just my thoughts in a relationship between two people because I am sick and tired of people being accused of being jealous when this is not the case.

Casita