Letter to my body

This is a letter to my body to tell you how sorry I am for how I have treated you through the years.

You have done nothing but work hard for me and yet I have been so ashamed of you for years and years. You have gotten me through two a days or even three a days where I would push you to the limit. You have gotten me through 14 years of competitive softball. You got me through my crazy college years of partying and late night cramming. You've handled my binge eating and my negative comments. You've endured my multiple attempts at losing weight and then giving up shortly after. You've done a lot for me and yet I still seem to get upset and bash you from time to time.

This letter is to prove to myself that my body is a wonderful, imperfect but very beautiful part of me. And instead doing everything I can to bring myself and my body down, I should be doing all I can to lift myself up. Because after all, even through just 25 years of living, I've pushed my body hard and never once has it failed me. Even though multiple times I have given up on it. So I love you. I'm sorry. And from this day forward I will do my best to speak positivity to you. I am very blessed and should be thankful for what I do have.

This might be weird but it needed to be said. A lot of us are bashing our own bodies without even realizing it. Stop comparing yourself. You are you and the body that you have is unique. Embrace your lovely body, it does a lot for you!!!

Casita❤

Raw.

One of the hardest and most painful things I have ever experienced was loving someone who was in love with someone else. Now don't judge me on this but I am going to be very open, vulnerable, and raw. I think it's time I finally get this out.

I was so in love with this man that I would do anything for him, I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Our relationship changed everything I have ever felt about love. And it truly made me believe soulmates were very real. But his love for this other woman overwhelmed him and although he was with me and they were no longer together he couldn't let her go. But being in love with someone who can't let someone else go is a never ending battle not only with them, but with yourself. I started thinking what was so wrong with me, why can't I make him get over her, why can't I compete with her, why am I not good enough. And looking at it now of course it has nothing to do with me, it's something I had no control over but in the midst of it all, I couldn't think that clearly.

I was constantly beating myself up trying to win his heart and getting so frustrated every time it didn't work. I felt like I couldn't even get his attention even when he was in the same room as me. I was overextending myself so much I became empty. I had nothing left to love myself nor anyone else. I became unrecognizable to myself and it was sad to see how low I had become.

Now don't get me wrong this is only one aspect of the relationship and there were some very positive things I took from it. And I don't blame anyone. Sometimes love doesn't let you forget about people. Sometimes hanging on is a part of fate and I truly believe that some people, no matter how many times they leave, are meant to be together. Hearts hang on for a reason. I just wish I hadn't spent so long before figuring this out. I just wish I hadn't pushed myself so hard that I had nothing left. But then again I'm happy because it forced me to start loving myself. It seems to me that other people's lack of love for you forces you to look inward and find love for yourself. So in the storm there is always a blessing.

I just wonder sometimes if it was even his love for her that kept him from being able to love me fully or just his love of the idea of her that put a halt on something that could be so beautiful.

Casita❤