New perspectives

I don't think the new year should be about being a brand new person. I think the new year should be about changing your ideas, your intentions, and your perspective. And that is exactly what I intend to do.

2014 was rough, between my depression, my downfalls, and my relationships I'd definitely say with no exaggeration it was one of the worst years of my life. But I don't want 2015 to be a repeat. I don't want to go into 2015 with the same perspective as I did this past year. I want to change and I want to go into this year positively.

1. I will stop being so darn hard on myself. I am a work in progress, this is not my finished product. I really need to remember that.

2. I will stop giving my all to others and leaving myself with nothing. I need to be more selfish. I tend to fill up everybody else's love tank, leaving myself with nothing.

3. I will stop expecting so much from others. People will do what they want and I can't keep trying to change them. And I can't beat myself up over their actions.

4. Don't let my situation change me. I know who I am and to let my pain, my heartache, or my scars affect that is not fair to me. I need to just be true to myself.

5. Stay positive positive positive. Your attitude affects your altitude. I won't be able to get anywhere with a negative attitude.

These are five things I want to bring with me into the new year. Everything else I leave behind.

One thing I learned from 2014 is how much honesty really means to me. I used to think brutally honest people were rude but now I like that. I like that they are not afraid to hurt you with the truth. And I really respect that.

Well with this I say goodbye to 2014, thank you for the lessons. Hello 2015...I'm ready :)

Casita

Time flies

So lately I've just been focusing on my journey and what not. I didn't even realize I have not written anything for a while. But you know what's awesome?  It's my 6 month monthaversary! That means 6 months since I started this journey! I can't believe it's been that long already! I am so proud of where I am today. Of course I'm not where I want to be but look at where I came from?! It's so awesome to see progress!

Everyday I find something new to work on. My newest goal is not letting people walk all over me. I want to be someone people can depend on but not someone people take advantage of.

I look back and think, I'm so happy for the bad things that have happened to me, they pushed in a direction I don't think I could have ever gone if it weren't for my situation. I learn more about me everyday and this journey of discovery has opened new doors and allowed me to meet some amazing people.

Just remember everything that happens, happens for a reason. At the time I was not sure what the reason was but I know now it was so I could become a stronger, happier person.

Whatever is the igniter to your flame, don't let it fizzle out. A fire was instilled in you for a reason, so follow it, feed it, and discover you. Don't wait for someone else to make you happy, make yourself happy. 

Another new goal of mine...not caring what people think of me. As far as fashion and things like that I don't really care what people think, I dress for comfort. What matters to me is what people think about me as a person. It bothers me when someone hates me or thinks I'm a bad person. It tears me apart if someone thinks I'm a bad friend or a horrible girlfriend. But I can't dwell on what other people think, it's not my decision to make, it's theirs and just like I always say everyone is entitled to their opinion. That includes their opinion about me. I have to be happy with the people that do like me and let go of the ones that don't. 

It takes work and everyday I will need to put in effort. But to see how far I've come in 6 months is astonishing to me. I'm glad I started this all and I hope I inspired others to do the same. It is so worth it, I promise. Celebrate every step, every accomplishment, every goal...you deserve it, you earned it!

Stay awesome everyone. You guys are so wonderful.

Casita

If you can't beat 'em please don't join 'em

I'm not sure if I ever shared this but I wanted to give a little more background in my life before the journey. I had always depended on other people for love and acceptance and just overall making me feel good about myself. I'm not sure where it came from but that's just the way I was. Throughout my life, people weren't able to give me that and of course we all know there's some pretty cruel people out there. I've been told I wasn't good enough in many aspects of my life.

This past year wasn't any different. I had people who didn't love me, people who hated me, and people who gave up on me. The only difference this time was instead of giving up and getting down I decided to love myself. And that was the best decision I have ever made. I'm not sure where I'd be now if I hadn't and I don't want to find out.

I like the way I am now and I like where I'm headed. I look forward to life and everything in it, even the pain. Because it all reminds me where I am and where I could be. And to all the people that gave up or told me I wasn't good enough, I have nothing but love for you. In not loving me, you forced me to love myself. In not liking my appearance, you forced me to embrace it. In giving up on me, you forced me to invest in me. In a way I am grateful to you all. In your negativity, you led me to a life full of happiness and positivity.

I can't say that it didn't hurt and it still does hurt from time to time but it was the greatest lesson I could have learned. And I am so grateful for the experience.

Don't let the negative peeps get you down, use them as motivation and overcome them. Once you do that you will be so much stronger and happier. I hope you all are having a beautiful day. You are so awesome, I hope you know that.

Casita

Chasing acceptance

So my path has been pretty rocky but I have come a long way. My confidence has skyrocketed, my happiness is at an all time high. And overall I'm just feeling really good about me. I can say I am genuinely happy most of the time.

But of course with every journey, you are going to hit a wall and my wall has nothing to do with making myself happy, because I can do that quite easily. My wall is something that has stemmed from my childhood. For whatever reason I have a hard time thinking people accept me and I have a hard time believing I can make people happy. I'm trying to get to the root of this because this is definitely my biggest insecurity. I like me in fact I love me. I enjoy my own company so why wouldn't anyone else?

I have to stay positive and realize I'm pretty amazing. People will like me for me and if they don't that's not my fault. I think because of this insecurity I have sort of cut myself off from people so I don't have to deal with being rejected by them. All the what ifs and negative thoughts about not being able to make someone happy has stopped me from doing just that. You can't make other people happy, you can't bring positivity to other people's lives if you're cooped up being negative in your room.

So this is my plan, from this day forward, I will go into every social situation with the confidence that everybody needs to meet me, everyone wants to be my friend instead of thinking I can't make anyone happy so I'll just sit here alone. I know I have a lot to offer and some of the people I have actually let into my life have shown me own inner beauty.

This journey started off as an investment in my own happiness but now that I have achieved that, there is so much more to life than just being able to make yourself happy. Sure your happiness shouldn't depend on other people but your happiness should be shared with other people.  Believe in yourself and believe that people need and want you around. Believe that you have something to offer that is so unique, so different,  and so wonderful it cannot be something you just keep to yourself.

Now is your chance to really influence the world. Imagine the lives you can change with your positivity! Go out there,  you are too awesome to keep it to yourself. And don't be scared of rejection, some people just don't need what you have to offer and that's okay just know that there are more people out there that do. I hope everyone is staying positive and I hope this brings some more positivity to your life. Just know no matter where you are in your journey, you are worth it. Invest in yourself,  invest in your own happiness, and love yourself unconditionally. You are amazing! Spread the love and positivity!

Casita

When in doubt, blog it out

This will probably be my most vulnerable post, but I figure if I'm sharing my journey I can't just show you the good parts, I have to show you the bad too.

So it looks like my funk has continued it's streak, all do to too much time on my hands and over thinking. I'm basically hurting myself with my own thoughts, it's quite sad. Anyways I've been thinking about love, I'm a hopeless romantic,  big emphasis on the hopeless. But I started thinking about my past and it seems that every time a relationship ends, my exes find happiness, I decided I must be the lesson giver. They always learn from me. Which in a way makes me feel good, I want my exes to be happy, I want them to find the one. But of course I can't help but think, where is my one?

I've found happiness within myself and I do know how to be alone but it is only human to want and need love. Every one tries to tell you that it's okay to be alone and you don't need anyone,  which to a certain extent is true but I truly think we were made to give and receive love. There is nothing wrong with wanting love. The problem is when we try to get it from the wrong people or try to get it to replace self love.

But anyways I'm over thinking all this madness and it makes me sad. I wonder when it will be my time. I see all these people in love and it makes me happy for them honestly but it makes me think about my situation. I'm a person who will give all my love to someone,  no holding back, I'm scared to be vulnerable, but I'll do it for love. And to think I've done that a couple of times in my life and it hasn't worked out. Makes me wonder if my love is not enough.

So I sit here wondering which digs a deeper hole. I know I'll get out of it but there's a reason for this and I'm trying to figure it out. Blogging does help though. Not sure if you guys will care for this, but this was more for me than anyone.

Casita

Funk-adelic

So lately I've been in a funk. Just a lot of things piled up on my plate that have really deterred me from the path of positivity. This whole week,  negative thoughts have crept in my mind and as much as I tried to keep them out, they wouldn't go away.

Today I hit rock bottom or at least very close. I decided I needed some alone time with God. When I get like this I go to the beach, what a better way to spend time with Him than to visit one of His most beautiful creations, other than myself lol jk.

So I'm sitting there most likely looking crazy and balling my eyes out. I've been holding so much inside, something I suggest you do not do. You have to let things out before they drive you insane!!!! But anyways, I'm sitting at the beach feeling pretty darn hopeless. I watch the waves crash into one another and finally it occurs to me, no matter the situation, God wants you to pull through. He wants you to overcome the toughest of situations and He wants you to be happy while you do it.

Things might be incredibly rough, in fact there were times this week where I did not want to go on but why? I deserve happiness and so do you. It was my own thoughts creating my sadness so it can be my own thoughts creating my happiness as well. It all seemed so clear, I almost felt crazy for not thinking of it before. It was so simple. And just like that I was feeling better about myself. And as if to say everything was going to be okay, the mist from the waves crept up and washed away my tears. I know everything is going to be alright. And whether you believe in God or not, everything is going to be fine. Funks happen to everyone,  it's how you overcome them that determines your happiness. Choose happiness people,  it will be the best choice you have ever made. 

Casita

Cheating, flirting, respect?

Now this may be a little off topic from my normal positive lifestyle posts but relationships with other people are going to be something that comes up in this journey. This might seem more like a vent sesh but I felt it important to get my ideas and opinions out there. So here it goes!

When it comes to significant others, some things boggle my mind. If you cheat, flirt, or what have you, think about how you are affecting the other person.  Put yourself in their shoes, would you like it if they did that to you? Would that bother you? If it would then why are you doing it?!? If it wouldn't then why are you with that person?  You obviously don't have enough respect for that person or the relationship to actually care about their feelings. Cheating and flirting with other people shouldn't be something you just accept, that's not what a healthy and respectful relationship looks like.

And the argument I always hear is that your significant other should have enough confidence within themselves that, flirting shouldn't bother them. But ask yourself really,  what is the point in your flirting?  Is that bettering your life? Is that bettering your relationship?  If it's not then why are you doing it? What is the point?

And I understand some of you really won't agree with this and that's fine, but everyone is entitled to their opinion and just like you have yours, I have mine. That's something we all have to learn, even me. Not everyone is going to agree with you, doesn't mean their opinion is lesser than your own. If you want respect, give it.

Casita

Being in a relationship with yourself

I think on this journey of loving and discovering yourself, you have to think of it as a relationship with yourself. In a relationship you cater to the other person,  you love the other person,  and you try to understand the other person. This is what you need to do with yourself. Be Your own best friend,  your lover, your everything. Put yourself first, invest in yourself, make your happiness a priority. I realized in relationships I am constantly trying to make the other person happy, but would never worry about myself.

So now that I'm alone, I can do that with myself. I find myself enjoying my own company. In fact, I crave my own company. I think that's the way it should be. That's the way I am when I'm in a relationship and technically this is a relationship.

So all in all, I'm pretty happy with my progress so far. I'm learning so much about myself and I can actually say I love me!

Casita

The Best of Intentions

So the other day someone told me their opinion of me and I couldn't believe it. They really thought my intentions for doing something were manipulative. I honestly and wholeheartedly could not believe that is what they thought of me. And I sat there trying to convince them that my intentions were not bad in any way but then I sat back and thought, why? This sounds like I'm trying to convince not only them but trying to convince myself as well. But I know that what I was doing wasn't what they thought but no amount of convincing is going to change their perception of me.

Perception is not always reality but that doesn't mean that you can change the way people think about you. And you shouldn't have to. If someone perceives you in a certain light then that's their opinion, which everyone is entitled to. Do not waste your time trying to change people's opinions of you. Be true to yourself and if you know who you are and know your real intentions then that's what matters. You are just going to frustrate yourself trying to make people see you the way you see you or the way you want them to see you.

Don't ever let someone make you question yourself,  you are giving them power over you that no one should have. People's opinion of you should not define you. And this is where really loving yourself and knowing yourself comes into play. If you are secure in yourself, people won't be able to make you second guess yourself. You are lovely, don't let people make you think otherwise. 

I also believe that once you start seeing the best in people, they will begin to see the best in you. So stop pointing out the worst, stop pointing out the flaws in others, and start seeing the amazing things about them. You get what you give, start giving love, respect, trust, and friendship and you'll be amazed at what you get in return. Go forth and continue to be happy and awesome!

Casita

Pain

So yesterday someone I care about tremendously said something that really got me thinking. They said I was an asshole. In the past I've been called that but aways laughed it off because of my sarcastic humor. But I really started thinking and I have become an asshole. I think it's okay to have that kind of humor but I think I use as a way to protect myself. I don't want to do that. I've seen too many people in this life that are so cold hearted because they let the world get to them. I don't want my heart to be calloused by the world. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to love everyone no matter what. I want my love to be bountiful and unconditional.

A lot of people get hurt and decide to just stop loving because of that. I don't want to do that, and that in itself is a challenge. To not give up after being hurt so much is a really hard thing to do and a lot of people can't. But like I said I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be different. I want to challenge myself and reach my potential and beyond. I want to make sure that when I love someone there is no doubt in their mind that my love is real. I seriously think I was put on this earth to inspire but more than anything to love. And pain is not going to stop me from doing that. And on the other side of pain is pleasure. I want my life to be amazing,  I want to be happy always, and pain is not going to stop me from doing that. I highly suggest you do the same. Don't let pain stop you from reaching your dreams. Don't let pain be the reason you didn't do something because regret will hurt much worse, I guarantee you. You can do it!

Casita

Rejection

Now even though you're on this quest for positivity that doesn't mean rejection isn't a part of it all. Although, at the time rejection may seem bad, it is all for the greater good. That's not to say it doesn't hurt like heck.

I think when we feel rejected, we start to question our worth. We think, well that job didn't want me so there must be something wrong,  or that person didn't want me so there is definitely something wrong with me. But why? Why does someone else's opinion of us determine our own opinion of us. Sure it hurts, sure it sucks especially if that's what you really wanted but it's not the end of the world. And really it isn't! Life really does go on. Pain is temporary. And easier said than done, you will get over it.

Now recently I've had my own share of rejection. The past month I've felt like everything I do is wrong. And of course it hurts. I try to stay positive but hey it's a sucky feeling to be rejected. But I think about it and being rejected does not determine my worth. Being rejected does not determine who I am as a person. I determine who I am. I determine if I'm going to be positive or negative and I determine my own happiness. I can sit here being sad about someone not liking me or I can get up and move on with my life. Not everyone is going to like you. Not every job or relationship is going to work out but that doesn't change how awesome you are unless you let it. I think the worst rejection is the rejection you receive from yourself, when you choose to be negative.

And yeah there will be pain, that's inevitable. I wake up everyday and think, am I going to let the pain control my life or am I going to take control today? Because to be honest some days I just really want to stay in bed and cry. And in the past I've done that before, but that didn't make me feel any better. So I've tried many different things and the best one is being positive, even when it's hard. Seriously that fake it 'till you make it thing is real. Eventually you'll realize you aren't even faking it anymore.

Things will get easier I promise. Take each day one day at a time. Things get better with time.

One thing I've noticed, is the more I reach out to people with positivity and love, the better I feel. You have to give what you want in order to receive it. Chin up, you're awesome.

Casita

Let it Go

Something I've had a hard time dealing with is letting things go. For some reason I hold onto things. But really think about it, what is the point?  You holding onto something or hating someone doesn't hurt them any. In fact, it eats you up, while they are perfectly fine. I can't stress enough how important it is to let it go, don't dwell, don't hate, don't be bitter. Those things will really mess you up. And in order to have a positive life and positive mentality, those things need to go. There should be so much positivity that those things have no room in your life.

But I know, it's much easier said than done, I let them control my life for the past two years and I was so miserable. Negativity controlled my thoughts, but I don't want that anymore. I think one of the first things you have to get down to is why do you feel so bitter or jealous? What is the root of everything?  Is it a person? Maybe you need to distance yourself. I know I did. I was such an angry person,  I felt like a monster. And you also have to be able to deal with your pain in a better way. Maybe join a gym or a rugby team. Being bitter and envious isn't helping anything. Maybe you need to forgive someone,  but you really have to forgive them in your heart, don't fake it. And once you forgive them the past is the past. If you can't let that go, maybe you have to separate yourself from the situation. Sometimes we need some time alone to become clear headed about things.

The most important thing is you also have to forgive yourself. If there is anything you blame yourself for, you need to let it go. You will not be able to reach that positive point in your life if you are always harboring all this hatred. And of course like everything else, this will take time and work. You have to be willing to want to change. Some people will hold onto their grudges until the day they die, but I don't want to go out like that. The only person you are hurting is you so stop. Every negative feeling you decide to hold onto is a roadblock to your potential. Get out of your own way, you are the only one holding you back. The past is exactly that, the past. You've made mistakes,  so have other people,  and you and everyone else will continue to make mistakes. It's a part of being human. Just breathe and let out the bad.

Recently I recovered a friendship with someone who really hurt me. I was very bitter and angry with them for a long time. I held onto my hurt way longer than I should have. Eventually I forgave them and got on with my life. Hating them brought me down and I see now how pointless it was. Maybe it will take you a while to forgive someone, it took me almost two years. But once you've done it, it feels amazing.  It is a weight off your shoulders. And if you don't hold onto these negative feelings than hey your awesome and if you do it's okay you're still awesome.  Holding onto these emotions is human, it's working towards letting go of these negative feelings that makes us a much better person than we were before. I hope you can let it all go, not for the other person but for you. You deserve positivity and you deserve to be happy. But you have to choose to want to be happy.

One thing to also keep in mind is life is short, you might be here today and gone tomorrow. And so might that person you hate. I don't know about you but I don't want to regret never being able to tell someone I forgave them. Some food for thought.

Casita

Depression

Most of you don't know this but I have been battling depression and anxiety for about 7 months now. Looking back I think I have been battling it most if my life I was just never diagnosed. Once I was diagnosed, I was given medication to combat it. But on this journey I have really been trying hard not to depend on medication. I don't want to be taking pills the rest of my life to be happy. So I just have it for the really bad days. Although they say depression is an illness, I think there are ways to avoid depression which is what this whole blog is about...POSITIVITY! I know my negative thinking is what got me there, I was always negative and always worrying about things I couldn't change, which is why I have anxiety as well. My doctor even told me, I'm way too young to be worrying so much. All this could easily lead to an early death if I don't stop it now.

For a while I just depended on the pills. I thought if I took one everyday I'd be fine, but that wasn't always the case. Pills won't change your whole aspect on life,  they help a little but in reality you have to do some work to get out of depression. I think the best way to do it, is to find something to hope for. Depression is a loss of hope, feeling like there is nothing to live for anymore. When you have something to hope for, something to strive for, it gives you motivation to do things and in return that makes you happy. Now what you choose to hope for is up to you. Personally I'm working on being a better me and in that I have returned to church. That gives me hope. It might not be the same for you, maybe training for a marathon or saving up to travel or going back to school. Those are all things that could help, you have to choose what you think is best for you.

The worst thing you could do is wallow in your depression. That's what I did at first, I felt bad and I used it as an excuse to stay home all the time and cry. I saw how that ruins relationship,  people don't want to be around someone who's always so negative and sad. In reality I didn't even want to be around me. And every out look I had on life was negative, of course my depression was going to get worse. I wasn't doing anything to try to change it. So the first step is really wanting to change. You have to really want to get out of your depression and live a happy life. I've seen such a difference in just the past few days. I know there will be hard times and it won't be easy being positive all the time but I'm sick and tired of being sad all the time. Who would choose to live a depressed life instead of a happy one?

Of course I can only speak from my own experiences,  I have mild depression,  but I really think it is something people can get over if they really want to. My choice was to not take the medication but that's just me, if it really helps you by all means take it. But the medication won't help anything if you are not willing to change your mind set. And some people are stuck in their ways so it's not going to be an easy feat but I promise you it is a satisfying one.

I was watching a show about optimism. Optimistic people live significantly longer than realists and pessimists. Now think about it, your negative attitude is literally killing you...it's not just about living a happy life, it's about living a healthy one as well. And one last thing before I go...when you have a negative attitude,  your children pay attention to that and they learn that. Imagine your child being just as miserable as you are, is that what you want? Because I know I want my children to be happy and I'll do everything in my power to make it happen.

Keep positive thoughts everyone!

Casita

No Make up Challenge Update

It has been over 6 weeks since I started the no makeup challenge and I succeeded.  I didn't really think it would be as hard for me as it was. But there were times throughout my challenge where I may have had an interview or I just didn't like the way my face looked that day but I told myself I needed to be confident just the way I am.

Did I learn a ton about myself?  Definitely. No amount of makeup can give me or take away my confidence. My confidence comes from within and not wearing makeup made me realize that. I do suggest every girl do this at least once in their life, it really made me appreciate inner and natural beauty. And it's a big money and time saver for sure.

After a while it felt really good getting up in the morning and not worrying about what my face looked like, I stopped over analyzing every blotch, wrinkle, or pimple. It also made me realize I do all that stuff WAY too much. Of course you aren't going to be confident when you point out every single flaw on your face. Stop over analyzing everything and just go out there as confident as can be. Most of the time we notice things about our face that nobody can even really see, we get insecure for no reason. It's sad, we worry about stuff that in reality doesn't matter. So stop worrying,  you look fine, just go out there and live!

Casita

Hey everyone come and see how good I look

I think when we think of loving ourselves, we always think of loving our body and what we see on the outside.  And while that is necessary,  loving yourself consists of the full package,  inside and out. I think we tend to forget that (I know I do) and we think if I just get this body or if I put on this makeup I will love myself. Think about it...no amount of makeup or weight loss/gain is going to make you love yourself completely. I've seen people who were miserable,  lost the weight and were still miserable. Yeah sure, maybe losing weight will make you feel good about yourself no doubt, but don't think that losing weight will solve everything because it won't.

You have to love yourself now no matter what you look like, no matter what version of you, you see in the mirror. Think about all the great qualities you have and if you can't think of any, ask someone close to you. People are friends with you because you benefit their life. When I was feeling down,  I texted my best friend and although it sounded weird,  the answer I received surprised me. I didn't know I made that much of an impact on people's lives. You might not even see the great qualities you bring to the table because the negativity and loathing yourself doesn't allow you to. Of course there are things I need to work on but everyone does. You should always be striving for something more because this allows you to have hope. And having hope brings happiness. But I digress (that is a whole different blog waiting to be written) just know you bring much more to the table than you actually realize.

I dare you to sit down and think of 10 positive things about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance. Like really really think and periodically add something to the list. I actually wrote down things that I had never really thought of before. I'm not such a horrible person after all haha. But this is when I began seeing how much hating myself was hurting my potential.

Self loathing stunts your growth. You aren't allowing yourself to reach a higher level because all the negativity is bringing you down. And if there is something you may not like about yourself,  there is always room for change but I suggest really looking at why you want to change and do you really think that change will make you a happier person. If you are trying to change to make someone like you, you're going about it all wrong,  the only person that really needs to like you is YOU. Once you start realizing that, the right people will come along.

Positivity can truly change your life but remember loving yourself begins on the inside.

Casita

One day sober

So I'm one day sober from being negative. Of course I have times where negative thoughts creep in but for the most part, I'm doing pretty good.

I've found that speaking less and listening more actually helps a little. When you want to say something negative or something negative creeps in, stay silent think about why do you even need to say that or think that and continue to say my "why not me" motto. It really does help.

And now I'm also seeing how my negative attitude really does affect the people around me. People close to me are either distancing themselves from me or adapting that negative attitude. I don't like it, I would never want other people to be as miserable as I was. So now in this ironic twist of life, I am the one that needs to be positive and lift up everyone else! Now it's not just for me it's for people I really care about.  I have to do this!

Casita

Why not you?

So I just came across the most powerful saying you can repeat to yourself in this journey. Ready for it? It's going to blow your mind!

Why not me?

Yup that's it. Think about it, why not you? You keep thinking negative thoughts about what you can't do or what job you won't get but why? How is that helping with anything?  It's not! And really what valid reasons do you have for what you cannot do. Half the time we compare ourselves to others and think we are somehow inferior to them. And in reality thinking like that does make us inferior. The mind is so powerful and it's sad that a lot of us let negative thoughts control us. But you don't have to live like that, speak positivity into your life and seriously try that saying.  I tried it this morning when I began thinking negatively and when I asked myself that it kind of stunned me, as crazy as it sounds I really didn't have an answer. This whole time I've been beating myself up and comparing and making myself miserable for what? I deserve just as much as the next person and I need to carry myself in that manner. I swear this is a great way to start positive thinking!

Casita

Dedicated to the Bad Days

So all that positivity just a few blogs ago, went right out the window and you know what? That's okay. That's fine, bad days are going to happen, you are going to take five steps forward and three steps back. The most important thing to remember is to continue to keep taking those five steps forward. At that pace, you'll get ahead of the negativity and eventually, loving yourself won't be such a chore. It's hard in the beginning, think about it, you may have been doing this for years, months, weeks, or days. But this has become a habit to you. This is what you dwell on and what you think about all the time. So to stop thinking about it, is going to take time, it is not going to happen overnight and some days aren't going to be so positive but just keep going. Try to stay positive, if you can't, surround yourself with positive people. People's vibes can really effect your own and you'd be surprised how surrounding yourself with awesome people really makes you feel better. So cheer up darling, maybe today was a bad day, but tomorrow will be better, I promise. Just keep moving forward!

Casita

Relationships & loving yourself

In a relationship, a lot of us tend to lose ourselves. Not on purpose or anything just because we forget. We are so intent on loving that other person we forget about our own needs. We forget to love the most important person, ourselves. And that’s exactly why when some relationships don’t work out we are left feeling worthless and unlovable. But those are the exact times when self love is necessary, imagine if we had it all along.

I’ve found that I’m in the situation I am now because I’ve needed self love for so long and God has put me in a situation where it was either learn to love myself or continue being miserable and of course I’m tired of being sad all the time. Who wants to sit around feeling sad, especially a free spirit like me. But I was so used to self loathing it took me so long to realize I deserve to be loved by myself more than anyone.

It’s crazy how such a fucked up situation can change your whole outlook on life and love. I’ve finally come to the conclusion, there are people out there that need my kind of love and I need to stop isolating myself and let ‘em have it lol. There’s someone out there just like me who needs a friend that can love them while they learn to love themselves, so here I am world. Cheesy as this all sounds, I came up with this at 3 in the morning and finally I feel like it all makes sense!

Love thyself

I cannot emphasize how important it is to love yourself, that is the best love you can give and the best love you can receive. No other love from anyone else, no matter how awesome can replace this love. If you do not love yourself, you will feel like something is always missing no matter how awesome your relationship is and this is why some people stray in relationships because they always feel like something is missing, when in reality the thing that is missing is something inside of you. 

I have come to a time in my life where not loving myself has ruined relationships and the ruining of those relationships obviously was not a wake up call until now. I am miserable and no matter the medication or what have you that is given to me, I'm still not happy. And it hit me, I loathe myself. I am my own worst critic to the point where it makes me emotionally unstable. And the crazy thing is that few people know this about me. I'm that fun friend that picks you up when you feel down and just wants to have a good time. The type of friend that sends you encouraging good morning texts to start your day. I'm over here encouraging everyone else in the whole world except me. I told myself I wanted to be a motivational speaker, but wait, I'm over here trying to make everyone else feel good about themselves except for the person that matters the most...ME!

It's almost like I forgot that I'm human, I'm some sort of encouraging robot that just needs some sleep and I'm ready to go. But the best fuel you can feed yourself is love. Love yourself to the point where people think you are arrogant, it is much better than the other side of the spectrum. And some days I wake up with the intent to be positive and uplifting and I do that with everyone else except me...like helllloooooooooo lol. It takes time I know, but you have to start somewhere, today I start with a blog, a few positive quotes, and some uplifting words on my whiteboard. Fake it 'till you make it!

Casita

Just a few more pics from pride!

Pride Festival

The other day I decided to go to a gay/lesbian pride festival for no other reason than to have some fun. Let me just state that I am straight but I completely support gay, lesbians, and transgendered people because they are just that...people. I don't want to get all political and religious but who am I to tell them who they can and can't marry? And that's all I will say about that.

Anyways I go out with my friends and it was seriously an incredible experience. It made me think, the festival isn't just about being proud of your sexuality, it's about being proud of who you are. Straight, gay, fat, skinny, black, mexican,  white, or whatever,  be comfortable in your own skin. Being there truly made me feel that way, it was about empowerment of self and celebrating yourself. I loved it! And love was definitely in the air, it was amazing,  I can't even begin to describe it but seeing two people in love, regardless of gender or race, is such a beautiful thing. But I'm also a hopeless romantic so  all around love just makes me happy.

The musical performances were also something I enjoyed. People, such as Betty Who and Monogem performed. I had never heard of either of them before but I liked their music. The atmosphere was phenomenal, with the music blaring, everyone dancing excitedly. Every one was vibing off each other and I was taking it all in.

All in all I had a wonderful time, of course there were drugs and alcohol but in this journey of finding myself I want to stay clear headed,  so I did not partake. I recommend to anyone who is "down" to experience this. It was a wonderful experience for me and I definitely want to go again!

No Makeup Challenge

I have decided to accept the no makeup challenge. This entails me not wearing makeup for 6 weeks. Now why you ask? Because in order to truly love yourself and discover your beauty, you have to love everything about yourself, with and without makeup. Being someone who really doesn't wear tons of makeup, it's not that hard to go without but I have had my days when I look in the mirror and decide I NEED to put on makeup. I've done the challenge for about a week now and I definitely love the time I save. And I noticed without the option of putting on makeup I have spent less time evaluating every single flaw in the mirror. I'm starting to love myself a lot more. The other day I even took a look in the mirror and liked what I saw. What a concept!
I will keep you updated but so far, so good!

Casita

Fat and ugly?

Let me be the first to say I know I'm not some gorgeous model. I don't have some inflated view of myself. In fact like most women, I am on the other side of the spectrum, I have low self-esteem. But what really drives me crazy is, as people we like to put each other down. And when we can't seem to really come up with something negative about someone, we decide to attack their looks, especially women. WHY? Why decide to attack the things that people can't really change about themselves or to attack the things that people are the most insecure about. In what way does that help our own lives by being a complete asshole and attacking other people's looks?

The other day I regrettably was involved in a "cyber fight." In no way did I attack what she looked like in fact I kept all physical attributes out of the conversation. The first thing she said to me was that I am fat and ugly. Really? Not even obese and hideous, or at least something that took some type of thought. At first I played it off, pretended like it didn't mean anything to me. But thinking about it later, she hit me where it hurts. I have always been insecure about my looks. It made me want to lock myself away in a room. Because sure, I could try to lose the weight, but what about the ugly part? You can't fix ugly, unless you're plagued by wealth and even then, plastic surgery can't fix everything. So I'm sitting here depressed because some little girl hurt my feelings. She cut me deep. But it got me thinking, what did she really get out of that? Calling me names, did that make her feel better about herself? Making someone else feel like crap, how can that make you feel good? It can't. Hurting someone else doesn't change the way you think about yourself, in fact it might make you feel even worse. We as women, and as people as a whole, have to really stop this douche bag business because it's getting old. And cliche as it sounds, it starts with ourselves. In order to love and treat others with respect, we have to love and respect ourselves.

And please ladies stop with this fat and ugly business, it's really just getting annoying. Who's to say who's fat and who's ugly? Are you Ms. Perfect? Jesus, is that you? No? Okay then stop with the judgement, because you can't judge beauty by the outside and you can't judge with such ugly insides. I'm tired of these horribly mean people judging beauty. You can't even find the beauty in yourself so stop trying to find it in others.

And yes I see the irony of me calling people's insides ugly but gosh, how can people be so cruel and so superficial? Looks are not everything. Concentrate on your soul and beauty will radiate outwards.

I'm tired of everyone tearing everyone else down. I'm not trying to have a kumbaya moment but there is literally beauty in every single thing on this earth. If you can't see that then you are truly missing out on life. So when someone tries to insult me and I say get a life, that's what I mean, get a REAL life. Stop worrying about everyone else and judging everyone else and start enjoying life. Because every minute you spend judging another person, is another moment wasted.

Even the hunchback has something beautiful about them, but it takes a truly beautiful person to see that.

Casita

Casa Casita

This is me. I am imperfect and would prefer it to stay that way. I am reinventing myself but in no way am I trying to be perfect, I'm just trying to be a better me. I am mixed and a California native. I am on a journey to find myself and who I truly want to be, so I thought I'd let you come along. In no way am I trying to be some famous blogger, if I only gain one follower in all of this, I am totally okay with that. I just thought I might as well tell my story because when I have read other people's stories, I have felt so inspired. So this is a journey about loving myself inside and out and finding the true beauty in everything, including myself.
So I welcome you to Casa Casita, which I like to call home.

Casita